Right now and pretty much at any point in time. I can’t even brag about how economical I am with the whole “I don’t buy books, I borrow them” thing because my steep library fines negate this point entirely. I wish I could say it’s because I’m reading them cover to cover. People magazines? Totally. Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky? Less so.
I don’t put the cart back at Walmart, I put it on the yellow line by the front of my car and twist the wheels and kind of prop it, just hoping it won’t crash into a car. Because damage caused by shopping carts is not Walmart’s responsibility. It's mine. I'm sorry. When you see that cart there and have to pull in so carefully as not to send the cart whirling higgly-piggly through the parking lot and as a result may or may not feel the need to curse and say who does that? It's me. Again, sorry.
I don’t have an eating disorder, unless you think all this counts as an eating disorder, in which case – I have an eating disorder. But I don’t do this junk food binge very often because I am lazy. I purposely make my access to junk food an elaborate and exhaustive quest (my daughters hold the key) (literally...there are candy bars in a locked suitcase at a top-secret location) Someday when they are older, I'm hoping they will have fond memories of having to hide their Kit-Kats so their mother wouldn't scarf them down and…wait, scratch that. I’m hoping they will make enough money to pay for their own therapy.
And another thing.
I went through what looked and felt kind of like a mid-life crisis at 40 (because realistically I’m shooting for 80, despite my fondness of toxins and telling my radicals to fly! be free! and not worry their pretty little heads about playing nice with other cells) As part of this crisis, I got my crooked teeth straightened and started running more and eating less and lost some weight. It made me realize how much better I may have looked and felt at 20 or 30, if I had done this sooner. At 40, when everything wants to start sagging, losing weight is less than ideal, if you can imagine. I was going to include a picture right here from the internet and now I am ruined. Here’s a tip. Do not ever Google saggy skin or really old people skin or anything of that nature. (stuff you can’t unsee).
The teeth were a good call, though. If I had any advice for my younger self, I would say do it. Do it! I know. I wonder about my priorities too. I should probably be telling my younger to absolutely get a good education, degree, job, career, etc. To backpack across Europe, learn another language, learn to be kinder to people! To get involved in “causes” and other, um…save the worldy-type stuff. As much as I want to hit backspace, I’m sticking with it because I know I would just tell young me the teeth thing. Vanity, my friends. There is something about being able to just open your mouth and smile with confidence.
I’m sure Mother Theresa would have said the same thing.
Just googled Mother Theresa…a little on the fence about it now...