The Top Ten Things You Would Be Doing on a Fall Weekend If You Were a Pessimist:
1) Not raking the leaves. Watching through the window as they pile up. Not caring at all. Both hands wrapping around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Wearing a grey, loose cable-knit sweater with extra long arms. Soft tendrils of hair falling gently by your face...wait. This is getting very Nicholas Sparky and I guarantee that you would also not be curled up by any fire reading something by Nicholas Sparks. Wait for the movie. His books are way too complex.
2) Not attending a Fall Fair. Not seeing cows or horses or smelly exhibit barns. Not seeing the teeth of the guy running the Ferris Wheel. Not being subjected to the smell of candy apples, hot dogs, onion rings and funnel cake. Not going on a ride where the height requirement is roughly at your knees and yet you still get nauseous on it (see: funnel cake).
3) Not having apple pie because you accidentally saw the little nutrition label on the side one time and you honestly had no idea it could possibly be that high - it's like, just some fruit? A little bit of pastry? What? - and it has utterly ruined you to the point where the best you can do is light the apple-pie scented candle and try not to eat it.
4) Not having a Pumpkin-spice Latte, thank you very much Starbucks, in spite of how trendy they seem to be this year. You know you know that you would just prefer pumpkin pie instead and I just covered the pie thing (see: number 3). There is a pumpkin-pie spice candle out there too, so good luck with that.
5) Not being warm at all even with a regular boring old Vanilla Latte shooting warm liquid through your veins. Realizing that you love your summer clothes because you actually get to see them. Because, if you happen to live in Canada, you are required by the Government to throw a thick black fleecy (ugly) sweater over everything and at all times from October straight through to March. This may not be a law depending on where you live. If you live in a place where you wear summer clothes all year long, well. I'm afraid we're done here. I don't hate you, I just...okay. I hate you a little bit.
6) Daylight Savings. Stop giving and taking away hours like you are God, Daylight Savings Department. We should vote about it, why can't we vote?? I thought this was a democracy. Those guys have way too much power. What is next, they arbitrarily get rid of Mondays? (oh wait...no Mondays? hmm...) No, that's still not fair. Those are my hours. I want them back to waste as I see fit.
7) Not seeing the Christmas decorations at Walmart. Literally not. Closing your eyes and counting to ten because it is only 4 days into October and seeing them already makes you want to poke stuff into your eyes. Not stumbling over a dancing Santa some child must have left in the aisle, thereby setting off a warbled Jingle Bells and him having what appears to be a seizure. (Just. I can't even...)
8) Not making a lovely Butternut Squash Soup, not making a Hearty Casserole and not making a Homey Warm Beef Stew in the crock-pot. Not hearing everyone exclaim (as they come in with rosy cheeks from playing outside in the leaves you didn't rake) Wow! What smells so good in here?
9) Not putting warm "clothes" on the dog. Not coats, not little hats, for the love of Pete not the Booties.
10) Not calling walks "brisk"