September the fifteenth! (someone yells back...)
Didn't hear you...say it again?
September the fifteenth!!
NO!!! (sounds of rising from chair and footsteps to bottom of stairs)
Sorry...I still can't hear you, I think a fan is on or something
(sounds of stompy footfalls on steps and down the hall) (did you know that doors can slam "open"?)
It. Is. September. The. Fif. Teenth.
Ohhh...right! Well, thanks. I'm sorry I didn't hear you.
Listen, while you're there, could you turn on the light for me?
Thanks, honey. Sorry again.
(aka: how I turn on the light without lifting a finger...)
So, it is September the 15th! I'm finally back after a long, lazy summer! Yes, I was gone (?) Oh...um. Never mind. Anyway, I was going to do a blog post filled with engaging stories of all my summer ventures but in the spirit of my lazy, lazy summer, I decided not to bother with an elaborate come-back blog post and just, well. Come back. So, hey there. I'm back!
Also in the spirit of laziness, I'm going to write about laziness.
I haven't had the motivation to write about this topic in all the years (year) I've been blogging, but I wasn't sure whether to highlight laziness. People are weird about it. Even though, as I often point out, many geniuses are (at their core) just people whose laziness forced them into finding an easier way to do something.
Case in point - the wheel. Gets something from point A to B faster. Cars, bikes, shopping carts, shoes, office chairs, those little contraptions for dogs with paralyzed or missing back legs...laziness was clearly the motivation (except for the dog thing. That's just kind of sad and I can't lie...a little funny).
Another great example? When someone decided that they weren't about to get in that ocean and swim to France, claiming cold water and sharks (laziness much?) and then, boom. Airplanes.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm going to mention that thingy that cores a pineapple. No. I respectfully disagree with you there because the original karate-chop-it style is just as fast. Arguably faster. Think about that today when you eat your pineapples today, people.
I'm doing a Top Ten of the laziest things I've done recently. I would say "done ever" but that would require a lot more research and as you know, I'm quite busy (those candies aren't going to crush themselves) (okay, no...I don't actually play "Candy Crush" anymore...does anyone? The truth is that I play old-school Solitaire and tell everyone I just really enjoy it, instead of admitting to being too lazy to figure out the rules of any other game. As far as "Pokemon Go" - I heard the "Go" part, so obviously that was out too).
Top Ten of the Laziest Things I've Done Recently:
1) I wore Capri pants a lot this summer. If you are unfamiliar, they are just short pants but not shorts. The reason, I will have you know, is because they look awesome on me, it has nothing to do with only having to shave 3 inches of leg. Why is this even on this list?
2) I had a hard day. Yes, just the one time. Usually my days are all rainbows and sunshine and shiny happy people holding hands. In the evening of this particular day, I was tired. I settled down to watch TV when I realized I hadn't grabbed the remote. No problem, I had my phone. I downloaded an app that becomes a universal remote, so that I could switch the channel on the TV without having to retrieve the actual remote from over there (points to spot 5 feet away) Yes. That tired. (that lazy)
3) I heated up peanut butter cookies in the microwave to make them seem like the homemade version I was too lazy to make. The recipe said "only 4 ingredients!" Four?! That's three too many for me. Incidentally, if you get them hot enough, you can squash the tops with a fork, further promoting the pretence that you are some kind of baker or something.
4) I heated up pie to make it seem like the homemade version I was too lazy to make. I am secretly not a great cook but an absolute genius microwave aficionado. You should try my "homemade" Alfredo sauce. (no one makes it from scratch, do they? I mean - do people seriously buy "heavy cream" and just have it there in the fridge ready to go?)
5) I call it yoga when I am literally just lying on the floor
6) I only made it to six on a top ten list.
At this point, I feel as though this blog is lacking in content...but appropriately, it's because I'm not just lazy, I'm too lazy to even research my laziness. Instead, I'm going to call this "Lazy - Part 1" with the promise of another post and many more anecdotes about my laziness to come. You know. In the future. Because you know I'll be right on top of that.
In the meantime, feel free to share your own story of the laziest thing you've ever done...or an amazing life hack born out of sheer laziness. (it can't be that you ran out of cereal and instead of going out to buy more, you crushed up cookies into a bowl and poured milk on them because---wait. WAIT. It can totally be that)
I like to include a little take-away at the end of each post, but this time, (all together now) I was too lazy. Best I can tell you is that necessity is the mother of invention and - although he's a bit of a dead-beat Dad - laziness is the father. You're the child.
Don't get off the couch, just use your imagination. That's what it's for (pretty sure).