(Looking at large bowl of cereal set in front of me)
- You had cake?
- No. I didn't have cake...I wanted cake. You just asked me if I wanted your "special cake" and I said yes.
- Oh...oh, that is too funny.
- What is too funny?
- I didn't ask if you wanted special cake. I asked if you wanted "Special K" - the cereal! That's hilarious.
- Yes. I too, find it hilarious...now if you'll excuse me while I find a platter upon which to set my head, because I seem to have laughed it right off. Perhaps there's an empty one in the fridge? WHERE A CAKE SHOULD BE.
- (non-committal shrug, still smiling at supposed hilariousness).
So, a word about expectations.
You may have been expecting "Five Things Friday" post. (when will she stop saying that...) By which I mean, five things that people were talking about this past week (when will she stop explaining that...)
Last week, I only managed four. This week (shuffling feet, not making eye-contact) I have a grand total of three things. With the added detail of it being...Saturday today? So. Well. Here goes.
First. About the bathrobe (yes, I went Donald in case you doubted my writer's block). Press Secretary Sean Spicer reporting that he didn't own one, momentarily forgetting (as Press Secretary Sean Spicer's been known to do), of that thing called "the internet". Within moments, people were posting the pic of Trump in the white shortie bathrobe - all over social media. It qualifies as something people are talking about, even if I can't talk about it much (mostly because I just can't keep a straight face). Anyway, it speaks for itself. The whole thing - the bob-cut hairstyle, the sprawling on the bed, it's just...I mean, I can't even...just go Google it right now. Just do it. Entertainment at it's best.
Second, it's suuuuuch a slooooow news week, in fact, that I'm even going to break the cardinal rule of Five Things Friday (seriously...please just stop) which is to talk about something that is old news. Lady Gaga at the Superbowl. She gave a superstar performance, patriotic and epic, but only noteworthy in the fact that it wasn't really. Noteworthy. She didn't do any political slaying like she was expected to. I'm not exactly a fan of her music as much as her shoes (who doesn't love a 12 inch platform heel in silver...) but it was so last week. Superbowl 2017 is...(squinting into the distance) gooone...
How about George and Amal Clooney expecting twins? I'm pulling rank here (it's my blog, after all...) and making this number three. Because those two kids deserve it, don't they? I find the number of celebrities that manage to get the twin, two-for-the-price-of-one deal to be suspicious. Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Angelina Jolie, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion...Julia Roberts?? Sarah Jessica Parker!?? I mean, I know being ridiculously rich can buy you a lot of things, but a second embryo? Personally (because I have twins myself) I think they are just really, really, really lucky. (you'd think that them being insanely rich, beautiful and famous would have been my first clue).
And that, my friends, is the "Five Things Friday" denouement... (no! make her stop! ).
You look disappointed. Let me address the whole "expectations" instead, since I have a minute. I see you vigorously nodding (anything, anything!!), so I'm going to take that as a yes.
I've heard people say that "life is all about expectations." The implication being...that if you keep them low, you won't be disappointed. Anyway, I don't know? I may be a masochist, but I don't mind the pain of disappointment if I can just have the excitement of a little hope? (if you're stuck on "masochist", it's okay - I googled it. It means more than just...that)
Lottery tickets are a good example. Although I don't buy them because as far as personal vices, I'm very thrifty and can't afford to be a problem gambler. I do kind of get it, though. I mean, you know you won't win. You have a vague grasp on the concept of odds. And yet! The time leading up to the draw, you can keep thinking, wow. What if? WHAT IF...
You could digress into some legit time wasting, fashioning your new rich lifestyle. Those couple of days, everything seems just "temporary", because obviously on Saturday morning (the day after the draw) you're going to be flying out to Fiji, leaving it all behind. In light of this, your boss goes from annoying to amusing. The traffic on your commute just cracks you UP - these poor saps! Driving to work in their little Mazdas - ha! The only car you'll ever drive again is the Lambo - on an open road or possibly Rodeo Drive - no other time. For all those other places regular people have to go to...you'll have a driver, while you sit in the back not drinking and driving (but maybe drinking).
It would be a little overwhelming to make sure you are mentally taking full advantage of your winnings. Alternatively, you could just hire someone to fashion you a new rich lifestyle. And when you don't win the lottery (see above: odds) You're not that upset, really. It was a fun little escape. Carry on.
Am I encouraging we live in denial? Absolutely not. Well, maybe a little. Okay, fine - yes. Yes I am...but let's pretend it's not. Denial of denial. Two negatives making a positive.
Take Donald Trump, for example (words that should never be uttered). He expected to be President when it was a ridiculous, out-of-this-world idea to people. Laughable even! Yet he dared to dream it and look at where--what? Oh. Okay, I hear ya. Bad example, maybe. Let me just end with one of those annoying cliche-type sayings like I should have done in the first place.
Shoot for the moon...even if you miss, you'll land among the stars...
(living among the stars is still great. They love Trump-bashing, plus you get to wear 12 inch silver platform heels and drive a Lamborghini while pregnant with twins. Need I say more?)