In more intensive research this week, I stumbled across a brownie recipe containing (you might want to sit down for this) both spinach and pureed carrots. I know! I’ll give you a minute to process...
Understandably, my mind was blown for several days. It did not look good for posting today either. Then I felt that maybe...possibly...on some tiny level? I was placing too much emphasis on a dessert that I will probably never bake anyway, and...as you will soon read, there are too many (ahem) "important things" being talked about this week for me not to post. Such as...
1. Seal Clappage:
Nicole Kidman was clapping like a seal at the Oscars (see?) Yes, well. Everyone wondered why. This was after the Oscar flub hubbub died down last week. This week, people were scrambling for more distraction and we remembered the Nicole footage. None of us slept a wink. From sea to shining sea, people were flummoxed. Does she think she’s a seal? She’s gorgeous, yes - but very pale...from head to toe, actually. Even her jewel-encrusted dress was pale. Her blond hair is..pale. The paleness was my clue. That's how I figured out that the reason was simply that the poor girl has circulation issues. She’s just too weak to clap like a normal person. Someone get her a sandwich!
Right. Carbs (my bad). Someone grab her a hemp-protein bar!
Update: Nicole has since addressed the question burning in literally everyone’s mind. She clapped like that because of the gargantuan rings she wore. They were worth millions of dollars and on loan to her. She couldn’t risk damage because she couldn't affo--wait. Well, whatever. She couldn’t clap because of the rings. The rings!! How did we not see it!
There is a huge audible sigh of relief, which (because the entire world was doing it simultaneously), messed with our weather systems, and...
2. Messed-up weather systems
I’m not saying that was what caused the tornados that wreaked havoc on the Midwestern states this past week...or that it caused the wind-storms right outside my window where the power lines swung back and forth precariously (totally freaking me out), I’m just saying that they happened at roughly the same time. You be the judge. Luckily, we all know that "climate change" is just a "hoax" made up by "the Chinese", so we can't pin messed-up weather on that.
3. International Women’s Day
Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, the beautiful wife of our Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau marked International Women’s Day this week by posting a message on her Facebook, telling us to celebrate the men in our lives who encourage us to be who we truly are. Aww. (she means Justin) (that’s so cute--wait, what?!)
It sparked a backlash among those who took the “celebrating men” part to be kind of...hmmm. Not very Women’s Day-ish? We can forgive her because a) we’re Canadian (it’s what we do) and b) we are pretty sure Justin didn’t put her up to it, he’s such a nice guy (like, 87% sure). Anyway, she issued a formal apology and explanation...something along the lines of getting mixed up and forgetting that it wasn’t Show Off Pictures of You Holding Hands With Your Cute Prime Minister Husband Day (that’s in November sometime). It should also be noted that the backlash can’t, in any way, be linked to jealousy of Gregoire Trudeau. Pffft, jealous.
The South Korean president was ousted. I stay away from political topics in my blog but simply could not turn down the opportunity to use the word “ousted”. I mean, how often does that happen? Many people see this as inspiration… that you can oust a President and still come out relatively unscathed. Maybe even with a chance for a better relationship with, you know...the country to the North. It doesn’t have to be the “Oppressed, Dictator-ruled, Nuclear-weapon-loving North”, it can be any North. Even, say…”the true North Strong and Free”. You know. So, my fine (American) friends. Remember that in case you are ever feeling...ousty?
5. Happy Chuckday
It’s Chuck Norris’s 77th birthday. He has been out of the limelight for many years, but his reputation for super-human strength and Chuck-ness has been kept alive through...memes. Inexplicably. Or not? Perhaps he is still the designated one to save our world from utter ruin. He will single-handedly restore equality to women. He will get North and South Korea together for Dim sum. He will take the ousted President of South Korea out dancing. One Fox-trot with Chuck and she’ll be smiling again. Come on, it’s Chuck! He eats soup with chopsticks! No?
I have it on good authority that he has a bear-skin rug that is actually still a live bear who is too afraid to say anything. That’s not a meme. It’s an alternative fact. Big difference people.
It’s about the time I realize I’m talking about Chuck Norris that I think maybe I should have made brownies instead.
Fine, I’ll go make them. I’ll even save you one! And because you read all the way down to here, you absolutely deserve to know if you have spinach in your teeth…
(don’t worry. You can’t taste the spinach…)