It's Throwback Thursday!
Actually it's really just Thursday, but you know how they make days be "days" nowadays. There's even a website with a list of all the "days". Created by, either giant marketing companies or people with way too much time on their hands, because today, for example, is "National Tap Dance Day." I rolled my eyes at Google over this one...but I did it secretly. Lately whenever I offend Google, it Donald Trumps me until I can take no more.
Anyway, let them have their fun, right? It's not all bad. If you are caught, say, polishing off a doughnut at 9am, just claim that it's National Doughnut Day. No one even calls anyone on it anymore. They will, however, be wanting a doughnut*.
Even Throwback Thursday is now a bit of a throwback itself. One of the original "day" days. So I figured it was okay to reference Forrest Gump today. If only to point out that I have always strongly disagreed with that quote. I beg to differ! You can say no, but the begging is just a formality. I'm going to go ahead and differ anyway (that's how I roll).
Life is not like a box of chocolates, what...?! Chocolate is delicious! A box of chocolates is a guarantee of a good thing, wrapped in a pretty box. That box alone gets the heart racing and that's even before all the sugar consumption! I guess maybe Sally Field was thinking about those ones with the mysterious orange-filling? Or that gooey pink stuff that is supposed to be strawberry? Or the "toffee" filling that is like biting down on granite and will definitely chip your tooth. Or anything mint. I mean, MINT? Mint is for toothpaste and gum. Not food and especially not dessert - in those, I hate mint. I was going to say that I hate it vehemintly until I remembered I also hate puns.
Anyway, it's still a no for me. Okay, yes...life disappoints sometimes, but life does not cover those disappointments with a thick layer of perfectly nibbleable chocolate. You can work around those weird ones. (even the mint. Well. You can.)
So, in honour of Throwback Thursday, life is like...
A game of TETRIS!!
Okay, just hear me out...and this is not because I was just now hoping for a post idea to free-fall from the heavens like a Tetris piece. It's not only true (you'll see) but it fits with the Throwback theme because Tetris was most popular in like, the late eighties? I played it as a toddler, of course. (ahem). Let's just keep chocolate the way it is - free of any negative connotations.
Why Life is Like a Game of Tetris:
1. The pieces come at you slowly at first. They give you a chance to size them up...after all you are still learning to walk, talk, eat, socialize, play Tetris. If you learn none of these, it could be game over quickly.
2. Sometimes it is all too good to be true. Every piece is exactly the one you want! You are ALL on top of things. Love, kids, job...handled! You got this! Life is good. Then, out of nowhere...
Nine blue half-swastikas in a row. Sickness. Divorce. Loss of a loved one. Loss of a loved pet. Loss of...hope? Anger. Depression. Weight-gain. Mint chocolate-chip ice-cream. Donald freakin Trump. It could be anything, really, all you know is that the pieces aren't fitting at all. You have to immediately come up with a viable half-swastika storage plan or else....game over.
3. You wait and wait and wait and wait (and wait) for the tall orange bar thingy. No, not the lottery (but not not the lottery). You have built a solid six row wall in preparation - not necessarily debt (but not not debt). Yet, no orange bar thingy anywhere on the horizon. You wait some more. Your tower is huge. Either you acquiesce, accept your dire situation and the setback it incurred, or you keep waiting in blind (and frankly, stupid) faith until...game over.
4. You make mistakes. There are many, many holes in your plan. It just keeps piling up. You realize that you know nothing about stupid Tetris and how it works. You realize that there isn't some master plan that you can learn...it's all just luck. There is no Tetris God. They are simply falling out of the sky all higgly-piggly. And you are screwing it up royally.
5. You see that you have only about 5 seconds left. Acceptance washes over you, you are ready to accept your fate. Go see the great Motherboard in the sky. You're just randomly hitting the side arrows now. But wait!!
Out of nowhere you get lucky and decimate a row! And then another...and then another! You are back in this! It's so exciting! You start to think, hey, I am not bad at this? I do have a little control. As you're navigating pieces like a rockstar while jamming that down arrow key, there's this weird buzzing in your head and you realize...
6. This is fun. FUN! More fun than Ms. Pacman, I mean, that's just stress, those ghosts always chasing you, that insatiable appet----wait, what? GAME OVER.
7. That's right. The other thing about Tetris? (and life...) You can never, ever, ever stop paying attention.
Chocolate, on the other hand (or, in my case, in it) is none of these things, so go ahead and enjoy it! Celebrate! Tap-dance if you feel so inclined (this would be the day to do it...)
* evidently my usual spelling of "donut" is not grammatically correct. This does not affect the taste, so go ahead and have a doughnut too. All the dancing is going to torch those calories anyway.