Speaking of turkeys - isn't it nice getting together with family? Don't you love the part of the show where (did I just say show?) we go around and everyone has to say what they are thankful for? Is it bad that I sometimes can't think of anything? Okay, anything original? My young nephew gets away with saying "Everything. I'm thankful for everything" ...and they all go, aww. That's SO cute. I say "everything" and they just wait. Sorry, not a real thing. Say one. So I say "cheesecake" and there is silence and blank stares. What. It is a legitimate thing. When I eat it, I'm very thankful!? What do these people want from me?
I love my family - and extended family, I wouldn't want to make fun of them. Or, you know...get caught making fun of them. But if I had, say, a brother? One that might be within the 47 to 49 age bracket? One who might possibly be tossing around the idea of a career change because Truckers get to travel and see the world and he's always wanted to do that? His thankful top 10 list might look something like this. Maybe. I'm guessing.
Top Ten Things I'm Thankful For:
1) The Jays (Toronto Blue Jays, no chance of him ever saying more than "The Jays")
2) The Leafs (Toronto Maple Leafs. Not sure he knows that is the full name)
3) My car (wistful look) (Armour-all is the only cleaning product he is familiar with)
4) My gigantic TV (Ask him how big it is. Ask him how many channels he gets)
5) My stereo (ask him about surround sound)
6) My wife (She bought him the stereo. She likes the Leafs too...shouldn't it be Leaves? Never say this to him)
7) My mustache (Burt Reynolds, circa 1988, reddish-blond. Likes to pinch lightly at it while staring pensively out window at the Blue Jays and the leaves outside...not making any connection)
8) Doritos. Pringles. No, Doritos. No, Pringles. This is stupid, whose idea was this list.
9) Pepsi. It tastes way better than Coke. (argue with him about this being true. Go ahead, it's fun.)
10) My wife. Wait. I already said her. Wow, I am such a good husband
Or maybe I'd tell you the list of a 6 - 8 year-old niece I might have? One who doesn't care about seeing the world. Firm in her career choice (a veterinarian and Selena Gomez's back-up singer. Not one or the other. Both)
The Top Ten Things I'm Thankful For:
1) My cousins (Who are right beside her at the time paying her 100% of their attention. Probably not relevant)
2) Playing with my cousins (it's not the same thing! MOM! It's not the same!! ...okay, honey, fine. It's not)
3) Playing manhunt. And Barbies. And Hide-and-seek. And Grounders. With my cousins.
7) I meant to write those there. Mom said it was okay.
8) My iPod. My favourite song is Selena Gomez. YES IT IS A SONG. MOM.
9) My brother. No wait, can I change this one?
10) My Mom and sometimes my Dad but never my brother because stole the can of Cream Soda Aunt Judy gave me and it was my favourite and now I wish he wasn't my brother.
11) Cream Soda
I wanted to share everyone's list, but they only give you so much space here. Basically, my mother, my sisters and even my own list would all look similar...we love our families, each other, stuffing (we call it stuffing and not dressing because we stuff ourselves with it, with reckless disregard of its fat/sodium/calorie content...). Dessert could be its own thankful list (and should be. Considering my one sister thinks dessert is pumpkin seeds and chia seeds rolled in honey and dates and cut into little bars). We are passive-aggressively thankful. I'm thankful that you had enough time to cook this meal because you are a stay-at-home Mom while I am a full-time teacher, teaching our future generation and shaping young lives...
Overall, my Thanksgiving was pretty great because I had so much trouble finding things to make fun of. Pretty sure that's a good thing.