Personally I think everyone's creative genius strikes at night and this is the reason there are so few actual geniuses...they aren't awake to be enlightened. Maybe if they were, they could help me out with the proper spelling of the plural of genius. Sorry, spellcheck, I know you work hard (the other day it caught "rhythm" so I don't want to seem ungrateful) but it somehow doesn't look right.
Anyway, yes. My creative genius and my never-ending torrent of ideas. The constant flow is overwhelming. I have phone apps which allow me to catch them all as they fall from the sky like a summer rain. You wouldn't ever catch me staring at the computer, coffee in one hand, chin propped in the other, actually considering if there is any possible way to parlay the Youtube video of the Whack-a-mole kittens into a blog post.
Okay, I confess. The only real truth here is that "geniuses" still doesn't look right. Genus? Genui? I guess it would take one to know one (or, you know, more than one).
Sooo....I googled "great blog topics" and they inspired these ideas:
Write about the books I've read. Yes! Wait. I'd have to write about The Girl on the Train spending eleventeen million weeks (and counting...) on the NYT bestseller list because of a couple of cool little plot twists. It's really just about a very sad woman who...(surprise!) drinks a lot. The twist near the end is vaguely interesting (if you make it that far...) I don't get it. I might have to write about 50 Shades of Grey and how it made me turn 50 shades of green as opposed to the 50 shades of red hot that they were going for. I can't write about books!! I'm way too critical. Recently I've only liked Tina Fey's Bossypants. This might make me seem, um. Not very literary?
Write about the movies I've actually gone out to the theater to see. OH, good one! Waiiiit. The last movie I went to see was "Inside Out". (so, not only not literary, but also 9 years old) Here I loved the "Sad" character, but I can't write about that because the truth is, during the entire movie I was just trying to place whose voice it was. I definitely can't write about several hours later, I suddenly slapped the table shouted "PHYLISS!!! IT WAS PHYLISS!!!" confirming everyone's suspicions of an underlying mental health issue. Possibly Tourette's.
Write about childbirth? Pffft, Google, please. No one should ever write about giving birth. I say bring back the days of the blue curtain being pulled across from belly down. That literally no one but the doctor and maybe a nurse or two witness the whole event. Childbirth and Youtube should never mix. If I write about it, I'm just part of the problem.
Okay, so what if I write about that clown I made in Gr.4 out of a big apple juice can and inside of which I stored letters from old boyfriends during my teen years. Write about how I unearthed it the other day and looked up those ex's on Facebook. Write about how the one guy's zit between his eyebrows that never went away or another guy's secret use of hairspray would not turn out to be their biggest problem! Write about how Facebook is just one big TMI (too much information) (kind of like explaining the meaning of the acronym right after you say it). And anyway. What if they think I'm crafty with that whole clown making thing.
Write aboooowwwt...hmm. The way Canadians say, "aboooowwwt?" No. I don't think even think we do that. How do I even know that half my readers (the 2 of you) are Canadian as well and don't notice it either?
Someone suggested writing about shoes? I'd be more on board with writing about boots. Boots are my thing. But then I'd have to say I LOVE BOOTS and that is my dog's name and, well. Thaaat's complicated.
Write about healthy eating. Oh, I see what you're doing, Google. Okay, fine - start healthy eating. Then write about the journey. No. I'm uncomfortable writing about journeys. Too much looking inward. Not good with eating healthy either. Too much fiber.
Write about a Kardashian? I mean, there are just so many of them. So much material! (I didn't mean in the fabric around Kim's posterior, but that works here too)
So. At precisely the point when a Kardashian appears on my thought train? That's where I crumple up the paper (metaphorically...who uses paper anymore?) toss it into the heaping "bin" and head to bed to do some serious not sleeping. See if the creative genius's (genuises'?) face is squashed against the window when I pull back the curtain to look at the moon. Or maybe he's mooning me. Wouldn't put it past him.