I’ll try to be more indirect. Men always seem to be pegged as logical. Analytical. Task-oriented. It's as if this is somehow common knowledge. I’m sure they loved to be pegged as that. I know as a woman, I love to be called emotional, high-strung, illogical and PMS’ing. (especially a big fan of the PMS assumption. So fun.)
Flying in the face of this apparent “common knowledge” is Donald Trump’s hair, neither logical or task-oriented. In fact, it has nothing to do with reality or this topic, but I needed a distraction, I was getting too direct again. Besides, you got me thinking about him, so you’ll just have to bear with me.
Honestly, I think it is as unfair and unreasonable to say all men are a certain way or all women are a certain way as it is to assume Donald’s hair is the real deal so, in an effort to keep things vague, I’m not going to talk about men at all. I’m going to talk about Koala bears. They are adorable, the little roundy ears and eyes and nostrils…that whole Australian thing. Despite the cute factor, I think I can safely say that communication with a koala bear would absolutely have some problems, due to the enormous creva---due to the fact that we are so different.
#1. Koala bears don’t really listen to what you are asking. They assume they know what you are really asking and answer accordingly. Example.
Me: What’s the date today?
Koala bear: (assuming...from where I stand, peeling, eating and then firing pistachio shells into the trash, that I am referring to the smell emanating from therein and implying that he is supposed to immediately stop in the middle of breaking down a difficult piece of eucalyptus leaf to rush over and take out the garbage)
Can’t you see I’m busy??
#2. Koala bears can compartmentalize like a boss. Emotionally speaking. Example. I am knee-deep in tissues from an earlier little “chat” in which our entire relationship as well as an exhaustive list of previous past mistakes were brought out for intense scrutiny and debate over establishing who was right - me, or the Koala bear (hint: it was me. I was right. What do koalas know? Furthermore, this is my blog. I get to be right) Anyway, so. Compartmentalizing? Less than 20 minutes later, where in the world is Kowaldo?*
He is whistling. Yup, whistling. Whistling while he fastens his bike helmet around his, er, big round ears. Happy. Over it. Ready to go for a bike ride when I am still ensconced in high-drama and crisis and tear streaks and cookie crumbs. Don’t picture a Koala riding a bike.
#3. Koala bears of a certain age forget stuff and blame you. Okay, I admit. This isn’t so much of a koala bears vs. women thing as it is an age thing, but it happens so often, I’m putting it in here.
Koala bear can’t find the nail-clippers. Everyone knows these bears must have nails trimmed in such a way as to make climbing trees a breeze. He lumbers around the house like bears do, pulling open drawers, dumping contents on floor, opening closets, yanking out hangers and hurling them across the room, all the while mumbling something about how “you” always lose the nail-clippers. You gently point out that they are in the nail-clipper drawer, a drawer you lovingly prepared for him and told him all about…nail-clippers in various sizes and strengths, buffers, files, emery boards and the like.
Oh. Says the Koala bear. Not thank you, not sorry that I do not listen and am pretty much blind. Just oh. Takes nail-clippers and retreats to tree.
On the plus side. Wait, no. I can’t talk about the plusses. Things just get weird if it’s still about the Koala. Besides, it’s just not me to be all hopeful and positive. I don’t have to tell you that it’s always going to be work but hard work tends to pay off eventually. You know this. Let’s just say that the best way to communicate with a Koala is to release the need to be right. Just let it go. Be wrong sometimes. It’s okay. Being right is overrated…the most you’ll get out of being right is a half-chewed Eucalyptus branch. Just deep breaths (they smell fear).
Try and learn something from the Koala, they are fascinating creatures.
*names of Koalas have been changed to protect their privacy.