But don't despair (because you were going to despair, weren't you) I thought I'd still write about something people are generally thankful for days like this. I'm thinking health. Which is perfect after a day of stuffing your face, isn't it? I could have gone all Black Friday and consumerism on you, but I'm really more of a couch person than a soapbox person. Just pace yourselves out there. Remember all the things you were grateful for yesterday. Family. Electronics. Health.
Anyway, health is too broad, I want to get specific because I was in the vitamin aisle at the store yesterday (which was not closed for Thanksgiving because I am...Canadian) and this section just kills me. Okay, that sounds like it'd be counter-productive...what I meant was that it's kind of hilarious. Based on the rows upon rows of supplements, it's a wonder any of us can haul our anemic carcasses around town. They stock about 14 different brands of things like Siberian Ginseng (not to be confused with the lesser Asian Ginseng) or Saw Palmetto, for all your Saw Palmetto needs. My diet could "greatly benefit" from Spirulina, the implication being that my Captain Crunch might lack the recommended daily dose. There is no Gingko Biloba in my bagel, so my obviously my brain is probably shriveling up as I write this. And seaweed. I don't get out to visit the ocean floor nearly enough, so I'm really low on green algae, which would really help me...I don't know...swim great distances under water without needing air?
I mean, do we really need them? Can't you just get by with a healthy, well-balanced diet? Registered Dietitian/Nutritionists, Pharmaceutical Product Representatives, Homeopathic Practitioners (so, mainly people with gigantically huge titles) would argue nope. You can't. Dr. Oz says no, too. Sort of. Today he does, tomorrow? You never know...
Coming up...on The Dr. Oz Show
(January) You should definitely be taking Vitamin ZQ, if nothing else - take this vitamin.
(February) Studies have shown that it's not necessary to be taking vitamin ZQ if you maintain a healthy diet
(March) Our expert today says vitamin ZQ can be harmful when combined with other supplements
(April) What we know about vitamin ZQ today? Too much of it can kill you.
(May) Scientists are discovering the miracle cure for everything, and the answer? It might surprise you... Vitamin ZQ!
If wild claims make you freak out a little, don't worry - I made all this up. Also, you need to calm down because wild claims are key to introducing any product these days.
There is no vitamin ZQ (there probably is...) but don't get me wrong, I heart Dr. Oz! Say what you will about his dropping of health news bombs right before the commercial break...I think he radiates super nice guy vibes. I'm a big fan of his eyebrows. They are incredibly entertaining...they dance, they do the wave, they fly directly upwards at the ends...
Dr. Oz sometimes wavers on various supplements, but in general he is rock-solid about his love for anti-oxidants. He once explained oxidization by showing us a peeled apple that had turned brown. Then he rubbed lemon (the magical antioxidant) on a new freshly peeled apple and it did not turn brown. It was a beautiful thing. I think he was wearing the blue scrubs at the time, which is code for - I am serious this time.
It is all about the antioxidants these days. I feel bad for the poor maligned little oxidant...kind of makes me want to fight for the underdog and become pro-oxidant. Speed up that aging process a bit. Help myself to all the free radicals (I mean, they're free). Try to find under-eye creams that will really bring out my fine lines and add a few more. Eat some good old trans-fats straight from the pan. Or dump a load of white sugar and white flour in there, add a can of Dr. Pepper, mix and bake for 20 minutes. (this recipe will be in my "Desserts in 20 Minutes" section)*. Go team oxidants!
Truthfully...I do want to be healthy. It's why I eat kale. If I die sooner than later, I'm going to be really mad that I ate kale. There are plenty of health experts always telling me what is bad for me but I don't know if I can believe them...they are always crying wolf (they claimed they were low in B vitamins, hence all the crying...but still). I sometimes try things they say, but I'd like to send my girls to University and not spend the funds on a gamble that Black Cohosh might make me less cranky.
What should I TAKE then? That's the question. Talk to your doctor...is what they say. I don't know. I sort of think doctors prefer the business of distributing the "real" pills over any vitamins. The prescribed kind. And if you're wondering about those, don't bother talking to the doctor, just watch those drug commercials. The first 20 seconds into the commercial? Most exciting thing ever. I have to get this stuff! This is totally going to cure my insomnia! Where do I sign up?! The last 20 seconds? If I take this pill, I will surely die immediately. (I guess then my insomnia would be cured)
So...it's a minefield. Good luck with it all.
Okay, fine. I should end on an encouraging note. Here's my tip. I always say this, but it's because it's the only thing I know is true - everything in moderation! If you go overboard on anything, there will be repercussions and you probably won't like them. You know it, I know it, my dog - who ate an entire bag of cheese popcorn which I had I accidentally dropped - also knows it (note: repercussions can sometimes take a nasty turn).
Also: eat kale.
*there is not a "20 minute desserts" section because I only had one other entry, and despite my best efforts, I could not stretch out eating a donut for 20 minutes...it was always gone in under 2.