Yeah, I’m not normal. It all just sticks with me. Have you seen the Youtube videos of those little girls in tears…not even just tears, but absolutely wrecked because whatshisname left that randomboyband? Well, I am the (much more mature) adult version of that. I keep it together, but inside I’m a little upset about David Bowie. Couldn’t name a single song of his, but it upsets me. I don’t like that he died. It’s very sad! Him and Iman? They were married for about 8 decades in celebrity years! That is so romantic!! Aww. Poor Iman. I want to climb a ladder and give her a hug and even as I’m writing it, I am subjectively aware this is not exactly normal.
It's funny (okay, sad. But for the sake of argument, let’s go with funny) how shocked I am when a celebrity couple divorces. I’m not sure if you have heard, but there is kind of a very low success rate in celebrity marriages (with the exception of David and Iman. Aww). I recently heard an actress saying “why do they call a 10 year marriage a failure? Define failure. It was a successful ten years, and it ran it’s course…” and I was annoyed at her sensibility. Fine - divorce, then. Not failure. Whatever. Is it wrong that, although I like Angelina Jolie just fine and that her and Brad have so so many adorable children, even some with the enviable pouchy lips and that he stood by her through her health ordeal and blah blah, but I still miss Brad and Jen? To be completely honest…I still kind of miss Brad and Gwyneth. And then Gwyneth and Ben. And then Ben and Jen. And then Ben and the other Jen. Oh, I’ve suffered many a break-up, people. This leads me to believe that I probably need more ways to occupy my time.
When I see the People magazine cover with the smiley couple and then the doomed words indicating the split, (never the same words thanks to the clever headline writers over there) I feel a punch in the stomach. Ohh. They couldn’t work it out. I had to lie down when I heard about Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton. I was thinking - Dude. What? She's so cute! All blond and blue-eyed and singing about guns…I mean, every guy’s dream, right? For her, I was thinking, Miranda! One word. Dimples? Plus, he’s so TALL?! Six foot five! Where are you ever going to find a man so tall. What more could you want? Six foot five! (that’s very tall) (my character analyses is clearly second to none).
Then the plot thickens. I hear that Gwen Stefani and her husband broke up, causing a similar reaction. Then I hear that Gwen and Blake are together and I'm disproportionately angry. You guys!! Seriously?? Think of poor Miranda. She's going to gain that weight back. And Gwen, no offense, but Gavin? (we’ve all seen Gavin Rossdale, right? Can anyone rock a white v-neck and man-bun more effectively?) You two were made for each other. Think about Zuma! (incidentally, who names their kid Zuma? Is Blake on board with the whole Zuma thing? I highly doubt it. Had he had a say, I’m sure it would have been Blake junior…and eventually just “Junior”).
See? I do this. I buy into it! The celebrity faces are in my home, via the internet, more than my own mother. It’s not hard to see where my abnormal fixation occurs. Right? Anytime you want to chime in with your disagreement about my being abnormal is fine…you know, the part where you say – I do that too. (not everyone at once, please).
Okay, the silence is deafening. I’ve reached a conclusion. It’s time to stop with the entertainment news thing. Google, magazines, television. Jennifer Lawrence (btw, notice how the Jlaw thing never caught on? I still just call her Jennife – oh. I see what you did there…) has an image that many hands are working hard to project (as in – sell ). It probably has no bearing on who she really is (step back while I become enlightened. There may be sparks)
I am going outside to stare up at the tops of trees and listen to the wind until I gain some perspective. Realize that what is really “real” here, is that the world is less one incredible artist who added a unique colour to the world that was not there before.
Let’s Dance! (1983) By David Bowie (1947 - 2016)
(he probably wouldn’t mind if we do…)