It’s Five Things Friday, I said
(it sounds better in my head)
I told you last week,
with my tongue in my cheek...
Now the prospect fills me with dread.
I can’t think of nothing, you see.
(meaning something...double negatively)
I only have 4?
I’ll try not to bore...
And I’m hoping you don’t disagree.
So! All Limericks aside (you're welcome), it’s FOUR Things Friday! Oh, I know. I could pick any one of about eight thousand stories circulating about Donald Trump and bump it up to FIVE..but that almost feels too easy. He’s only just taken up office, I have years of material still to come. It’s possible he’ll make the headlines again (just a hunch). I will say this. He really points when he points, have you noticed? Like, he really points. Like, jab, jab, jab. Anyway. So here's four things I've heard people talk about this week, and by "heard" I mean "read on the internet". Who talks to people anymore?
1. Beyonce breaks the internet (again)
Yes, I’m going Beyonce first. Pregnant with twins! Congratulations to the Carters! (sidebar: Beyonce has a last name!) I saw the Instagram picture, I thought it was beautiful. Okay, I thought it was interesting. Okay, what I really thought was, why the satin ruffly underpants, Bey? Until I remembered she was Beyonce. People will get on board with pretty much anything a celebrity of her status does. Does it make me think I’ve vastly over-estimated the intelligence/priorities of the general public? Maybe.
Then I scrolled to the bottom of the page where the comments from rabid fans read as follows: “best news I’ve ever heard, I’m sooooo excited…” and “I’m crying, this is the best event ever to happen to me…” (not even paraphrasing) and I thought, no. No, I have not vastly over-estimated. If anything, I went low. A fact I should have already known but I promised not to talk about…(Peter Pointer)
2. Bowling Green Massacre
Heart-breaking. The senseless killing! Something the Bowling Green folks down in Kentucky did not see coming. Mostly due to it not coming. I’ll always remember where I wasn’t the day it didn’t happen. The coverage it didn’t get was, in my opinion, disrespectful to all of those who didn’t die.
It was a tragic event that could have been prevented. Was, in fact, prevented. Here’s hoping the "travel ban" weeds out perpetrators like those Bowling Green (Ninja) Massacre-ists.
3. Phil and Willy
The Groundhog predicted 6 more weeks of winter. The Groundhog named Phil, that is. The Canadian Groundhog named Willy (of the Wiarton Willys) predicted an "early spring". So how on earth are we supposed to know what to wear, guys? C’mon, get it together. Don’t you have smartphones? Sync it up!
After thinking about it for a (disturbingly) long time, I can now clear up the discrepancy. Willy’s idea of spring here in Canada is actually identical to Phil’s idea of winter! See how that works? Remember that the next time you go throwing around "alternative fact" accusations. We need to be unified in our reliance on skittish, jittery rodents for our extended weather forecasts. (see above: vastly over-estimated)
4. The Superbowl
This year, I actually recognized the name of the team playing in the Superbowl - New England Patriots. Go me! Okay, fine...maybe that was too easy, given their 9 Super bowl appearances, 4 Super bowl wins and you know...basically owning the Super bowl. Ahh, but do you know who Tom Brady is? I do! He used to be married to Bridget Moynahan and then they split up and he got together with Gisele Bundchen, but there was a little overlap and Bridget got pregnant. It's all good now, though - water under the "bridge", so to speak - he had a couple kids with Gisele too. Now they all sit around watching their kids' soccer games together. Google is now yelling at me to focus. Yeah, so I guess he's also the star Quarterback for the New England Patriots.
I also know that in Europe, soccer is called football and football is called rugby. And, in case you are doubting my encyclopedic knowledge on the topic, I have snacks.
Sorry, did that throw you off? I should point out that you can say “I have snacks” anywhere, anytime, in literally any situation and people will just stop listening to whatever you said before that. True story. Try it! But seriously, I do have snacks. My interest in the Superbowl goes as deep as snacks (last year's post... some-thoughts-on-the-super-bowl-because-ive-heard-its-kind-of-a-big-deal.html)
So, that’s four. Is four okay? It still has the “f” to go with Friday? Maybe we can all just be a little less judgey. My daughters had their High school exams this week and I didn’t brag about how their marks are in the nineties from Math through to Art, smashing the left-brain/right brain theory to pieces, but what can I say? I’m not one of those boasty types.
I didn’t talk about making cookies out of Nutella, in case you doubted my restraint. (Cookies. Out. Of. Nutella). Okay, let me just put this out there...when you split them in half, warm Nutella oozes out.
Can that be 5?
Fine, fine. Four it is. I hope you still manage to have a good weekend anyway.
Go Falcons! (Google doesn’t want me to look like I don’t know the other team)
(I have snacks?)