I said I was stoked...I never made any claims to a) know anything about football b) be one of the jaw-dropping 48% of women who watch the game (I'm convinced Google might be a man and/or enjoy seeing my jaw drop) and c) actually and literally watch the whole game. Because of these reasons I have precious little material on which to write a Superbowl blog, now that played all my cards in the first sentence (using super cool word stoked).
So I decided to do a top ten list called The Top Ten Things to Enjoy About the Super bowl, Even If You Are Not One Who Normally Enjoys the SuperBowl. Catchy, right? Fine. Listen. It's still the weekend. I came up with "stoked" didn't I? We all need to lower our expectations a little bit.
So, without further ado (even if ado is what ado best…)
Top Ten Things to Enjoy About the Super bowl, Even If You Are Not One Who Normally Enjoys the SuperBowl
1. The food. THE FOOD!!! Sandwiches shaped like footballs. Wings. Mozzarella sticks. The ultimate classic “can't-Super-bowl-without'em” Pigs in a blanket. Chex party mix. Chex party mix done up as Rice Krispie squares! Actual Rice Krispie squares. Brownies. Blondies. Peanut-butteries. (if those aren’t a thing, they should be). Chips! Bajillions of kinds, all available to be put in bowls, ready for inevitable "bowl" puns. Nacho chips too because I also read that 8,000,000 pounds of guacamole is consumed today. Do it up like a tiny football field where the grass part is guacomole. Dip those chips and get your guac on! And don’t even get me started on the drinks.
2. The drinks. To each his own as there are millions of options, but just make note of potential bathroom issues involved. You wouldn't want to miss an important play, like, for example, will Beyonce have a wardrobe malfunction?
3. Comfy wumfiness. Even if you are having a party (which you should be) this is not a dressy affair. Sweats are encouraged. Hair in pony-tails. Even for the girls. Football jerseys worn by everyone including the pets...it just adds to the fun. (it’s not that Oscar the cat hates it, it’s just that you put him in the Panther’s jersey after he made his loyalty to the Broncos so obvious).
4. The betting. Google knew I was running out of material to get to ten, so it suggested that four through eight be on the topic of "prop betting" Have you heard of this? I said, oh Google. That’s not going to sell. Google countered – sell? Really? What are you selling, exactly? It’s a blog. So, props to Google for prop betting! It’s fun! (Gamblers Anonymous takes 2 giant steps backwards...)
So! Betting on the colour of the Gatorade that will be poured on the winning coach. I say purple. (I just like purple).
5. Betting on how many times Cam Newton does open shirt Superman motion. An actual bet, people. (I told you this was fun)
6. Betting on what the MVP will mention first in his post-game interview – God? team? city, coach, fans? Me? (for writing about this?) (odds are curiously low on me. Apparently the Super Bowl was already a big deal before this post).
7. Betting on the colour of Beyonce’s footwear (because, of course, Beyonce is so predictable) My guess is she will come out barefoot. They should really bet on toe-nail colour.
8. Betting on the coin toss at the start of the game. Heads I win, tails you lose. Millions of dollars changing hands on a coin toss, guys! This is the world in which we live! Reflect on that later (that's why God invented Mondays). We're done betting. We’ll lose our shirt, but we’ll do it Cam Newton/Superman style.
9. The commercials. For the bargain basement price of 5 million dollars, we’ll give you 30 seconds. Something tells me this is a 30 seconds worth watching. Plus, the Clydesdales? The puppy? Budweiser, you’re killing me (crying already…)
10. The halftime show. So it's Coldplay...fine. Beyonce will join them at some point. Bruno Mars even hinted that he might show up? (thanks for the warning?) So basically, I will watch the halftime show despite the talent as opposed to because of it. But you can't beat the hoopla. Much like “stoked” I reserve “hoopla” for special occasions. The halftime show is nothing if not a lot of hoopla. Expensive hoopla – in fact, overall - one could feed a third world nation on the money spent on this entire thing today, but in the interest of fun, reflect on that fact later too (see: Mondays).
So I said that my Super Bowl blog would be one paragraph, maybe two. In my defense, it’s Google’s fault, informing me about the big dealness of this whole thing. I mean, personally? I'm going to be channel surfing re-runs of Modern Family during the game. Oh calm down. Just a little. I'll still tune in for some hoopla and to see if Peyton Manning will hobble out on a cane because apparently he is an old geezer already in football years.
I can’t choose a side either. I am kind of rooting for the Panthers, but at the same time, I’m a little scared of that cat.
So, here’s to Super Bowl 2016. Let's stuff our faces, put our hair up, our feet up, lose our shirts and have some fun!