This post is not for the easily grossed-out, I will warn you. Dog people and people that have had babies...feel free to read on - you guys have done some stuff - but to those of you who would never do something like, say, share a straw? Not even with your husband - despite the fact (and I'm going out on a limb here to guess) that at some point, you probably kissed that mouth? For y'all. Just stop here. Thanks for reading thus far. I appreciate it. I promise the next blog will not be gross. Maybe I'll go dessert - I have written about ice-cream or cookies in like, 8 or 9 minutes.
For the rest of you, please don't judge. We've all done things. Okay, maybe we all don't blog about them like I do, but I'm doing this for you. Feel free to use me as the yardstick of "well, at least I haven't done THAT."
So. I chew gum a lot. I chew gum to stay alert. Okay, I chew gum to ward off the cookie monster. Do you ever notice that after a bad sleep you are very bingey the next day? No? Just me? I'll have you know, it's a proven fact. The internet said that when you have a minty taste in your mouth, you (allegedly) feel less like eating sweets. I chose not to address the whole mint chocolate-chip ice-cream thing and just believe them. They know. They wrote the internet...
I'm obviously stalling, so here is what happened. I was chewing gum. I was making a chicken stir-fry for supper. I was stirrin' the fry. Wokkin' the wok. There were carrots and red peppers and broccoli and chicken and it all just looked so pretty. Sometime between admiring all the pretty colours (which has gotten me into trouble before) and working on only 10% brain power (insomnia)...my gum? It fell. Right out of my mouth. Right into the wok.
Now, I don't even remember it happening or else I would have taken measures to retrieve it. Or start from scratch. I care about my family! I take measures! But I didn't know. It took me a while to come up with the insomnia connection...I figured it must have caused me to yawn and lose the gum. Sound plausible? It's my story and I'm sticking with it.
We sat down to eat. I still didn't realize about the gum. After a few confused bites, everything slammed into place in my brain. I know what this is. I looked around. Silence. Chewing. No outright gagging, but there was eye-brow knotting. What is that weird--- is that, like...mint? What is that??
I was about to play the "I put mint in it for a little burst of freshness" card (because Asian food is famous for this taste sensation?!) but at the last second I panicked and went obscure. Fennel!! I kind of yelled it. Suspiciously loudly. There must be fennel in that new brand of chicken stock. Sorry guys!! That's so weird.
Still with me baby people? Remember when (insert your own story involving diapers here...)? Smelly dog people? (the dogs, not the people) (mostly) Can't some slack be cut here for the gum-drop Goddess? Oooh, can that be my new name? Wait, you're right. Gross.
Now my family thinks they hate fennel. I'm cutting my losses here. If they knew about the gum, they probably would stop eating my cooking (I use the term loosely) entirely. Whereas fennel? I mean, how often are they going to be confronted with the choice to eat fennel or starve? Exactly.
Next week, I'll leave out the "fennel". Let's let this one be our little secret.