I also have toddler-like sensitivity to anything remotely scary. I'm not above covering my face with a pillow or running out of the room. So I draw the line at thrillers, but even dramas are dicey. I used to like Grey’s Anatomy for the funny banter, but those O.R. scenes! Also, they kept killing off everyone I liked for no apparent reason. I mean, Shonda. McDreamy?? How could you.
Maybe I understand more jokes than the average toddler (I hope?) but overall, I have a very immature and low threshold for humour which means I not only watched “New Girl” a few times, but I enjoyed it and would probably just watch out-takes of Nick all day long if time allowed.
I watch Modern Family, mostly because Claire is about my age and that way I can see what I should be wearing. It’s handy to have Gloria there too, to see what I shouldn't. I already miss Parks and Recreation, though. I miss April. Imagine a world with more Aprils?! I’d like her opinion on so many things. Or Andy! Or Ron! As far as Leslie, aka Amy Poehler - I think I speak for everyone when I say, could Amy Poehler and/or Tina Fey just write and star in everything on TV? I only have 10 minutes, I’d like to not have to waste it deciding what to watch.
Then again, Survivor might get weird that way. I’m not sure Jeff Probst and Tina Fey would get along. Well, I’m pretty sure Tina would have a blast…but I worry about Jeff. If there is one thing that I just can’t imagine him being very good at, it’s improv. Whereas Tina seems to have it pretty much down. Jeff sticks to his script so rigidly, sometimes I watch just to see if he’ll ever break tradition. Say his lines with a different intonation. Never happens. So I thought I'd imagine what it would be like if, say, Tina gave him her own challenge...
Jeff: I’ve got nothing for you. Grab your stuff and head back to camp.
Tina: Nothing, Jeff? Really? Because I’m seeing a blue shirt with a lot of pockets, Jeff. I’m thinking it could come in handy for immunity idol stuffing. Or perhaps a flint. A smallish mango? Plus, you’ve already got those dimples for storage. Give it up, buddy.
Jeff: Behind each of you is a torch. Grab a torch and approach the flame. Dip it in and get fire. In this game, fire represents life. Once your fire is gone, so are you.
Tina: Well, that all sounds very complicated, Jeff. What about lighters? Can't we just use lighters? Or hey, my phone has a torch app – let’s use our phones! Anyway, it’s not even accurate, Jeff. Once my fire is gone I’m going to walk down that little path and eat nachos with an entire bowl full of cheese. (sing-songey voice) Draaaama queen!
Jeff: I’ll go tally the votes
Tina: (smirking) Okay, Jeff. (elbowing her tribe-mate) You go “tally”. “Tally” away. Do you need a calculator? Do you have your thinking cap on? (snorty laughter)
Jeff: The tribe has spoken
Tina: But what about you, Jeff? (leaning closer, flirtatiously) I didn’t hear you speak…do you still want me here? (seductively flashes her shoulder while maintaining eye-contact)
Jeff: (panicking, fumbling around on his little table for his lines) This isn’t in the script. This isn’t in the script...(eyes wild, eyebrows high and theatrical). What do I say here?? What is happening right now? Does she wanna know what she’s playing for? Are the Survivors ready? On my go? What…what…whaa...He throws the urn into the air. The parchments fly everywhere and then slowly flutter into the fire. Jeff is stunned, momentarily frozen. Then he starts to run down the dark path himself, the camera crew barely keeping up. His voiceover…
Next week, on Survivor…Does Jeff come back? Does Tina get what she wants?
(clip of Tina’s mischievous grin. She is wearing Jeff’s blue shirt…)