MINUTE 1: (clicking) “something went wrong…” whuu? Oh wait. I must have clicked the wrong thing
MINUTE 2: (clicking) “something went wrong…” whuu? Oh wait. I must have clicked the wrong thing
MINUTE 3: (staring. Dumbfounded. Yes, dumbfounded) I will always remember what I was doing when Facebook went down (I was looking at Facebook)
MINUTE 4: (feeling cold, prickly sweat at back of neck) Can they do that?
MINUTE 5: Stupid Mark Zuckerburg. Trusting Facebook into other people’s hands. Stop sheering your own sheep, Mark Zuckerburg! Stop butchering your own pigs, Mark Zuckerburg! Remember who bought you that farm, Mark Zuckerburg!
MINUTE 6: Do I have enough canned goods? How do you ration stuff? I feel like I should know. (Googling how to build a bunker in your basement) (minute 6 and a half…) Did you guys feel that?
MINUTE 7: What was that?? The world tilted a little. I thought it was the tuna salad not agreeing with me. But it was definitely the world tilting. Probably the tuna salad a little too.
MINUTE 8: (looking out window) What is that super-bright white light? It’s like, so bright! My eyes. My eyes!! MY EYES!!! I’M BLIND!!! HELP ME, I’M BLIND!!!
MINUTE 9: Oh. The sun. Hey, look it’s Mr. Paunovich from across the stree—what? What is he doing? Are those flyers? Let me just open this window and…
Mr. Paunovich: (tossing out photos of his dog Lester and cat Marvin Gaye cuddling by the fire-place) (yelling) LIKE!! LIKE!! Please LIKE!!
MINUTE 10: (closing window) I knew he was insane. (clicking) Twitter is still here. Maybe we’ll be okay? Hey! Linkedin is still here too. I don’t get Linkedin. Does anyone get Linkedin? Hey look! Instagram made it too! I should tell Mr. Paunovich about Instagram. He’s like, 74 - how would he know?
MINUTE 10 – 13: (Googling what is wrong with Facebook?) (seventeen zillion pages of comments) Google changes the Google doodle to a tombstone with “fb” in blue on the front. If you hover, you see Mark lying in the ground, smiling. Well played, Google – but seriously. A low blow. Dude did a lot for us.
MINUTE 14: Should I do something?
MINUTE 15: Facebook springs to life. Heart skips a beat. Returns to normal in less than 2 seconds. Oh. Look at that. My Facebook friend Scott’s daughter did some cool sidewalk chalk art.
Update: I read that for some people Facebook was down for a couple of hours, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Last night, I stood in the doorway of my daughters' room, watching them sleep, wiping away a tear. They looked so peaceful. I snapped a picture and immediately posted it on Facebook. Yes. Truly one of the lucky ones.
Update: I made some of this up. Google didn't take my suggestion to change their Google doodle. They never listen. Also, seventeen zillion pages was perhaps inflated slightly...