Yes, it seems early. To Canadians, however, it is perfectly logical. We Canadians exchange that "ohhhkay..." look with each other when Americans comment on its earliness. Not that we let them see the look, what if they think we aren't polite? "Yes, you're right! It is really early, true. We're ridiculous people. I'm sorry. I wish I could move it back a bit for you guys. I'm just not in charge of these things. I'm really sorry!" (turns around and mouths "ohhhkay" to fellow Canadian, and fellow Canadian maintains poker face but is cracking up inside).
So, I've been on a Top Six list kick lately. Why not Top Ten, you ask? What am I, David Letterman? (yes. The Top Six is just so my cover is not blown) (please be respectful, Regina gets so mad).
Top Six Reasons Why Canadians Have Thanksgiving At the Beginning of October.
1. If the Pilgrims had landed in Canada late November, there would be no Thanksgiving. They wouldn't be very thankful on account of not having packed enough warm clothes. Or toques (pronounced tooooo-cks). Quite possibly their boats might have become stuck in the rapidly developing ice and they would have been stuck there...until spring. Sure, they were being persecuted in England for their wildly Puritan ideas, but at least they were warm (they'd be thinking). At least they had tea! (this was before Tim Horton was born) (yes, Canadians, he was a real person! Sheesh - read a book).
Luckily, they did not land in Canada and we just kind of stole the whole idea from the Americans. In our defence, um...we stole the idea of "thankfulness"? Hello? As far as things to steal, that should be considered okay, but if not, we're sorry. No really - we're really sorry.
2. We don't have Black Friday. It's weird? I tried to Google the history of it, but Google was all over the place. Focus Google! I said, but in typical form, Google kept spewing out random stuff at me. It's either that thing about Wall Street, gold stock soaring and then crashing catastrophically sometime around 1869...or something about slavery that Google was hesitant to elaborate on, or simply that everyone buys so much stuff that day, that companies are in the "black".
From what I observe, it's seems to be just everyone stampeding to buy the crap they JUST finished saying they were thankful without. Like, the DAY before.
3. Our fat pants have an entire 2 months to go back to fitting like fat pants should fit, and not fitting like...regular pants.
4. The Maple thing. I'm sure Maple Trees grow in other countries, but we seem to be a little obsessed with ours...even slapping a red one on the Canadian Flag. This time of year it's a glorious burst of colour everywhere (should I sing the National Anthem? I feel like I should sing...) The air is crisp and walking through parks are mandatory and it's so beautiful, it screams Thanksgiving. In late November? Everything suddenly becomes frozen in mid-scream. It's a little disturbing.
5. The Maple thing. What. Can't I can say it again? This time I mean about the food. Because you can eat to your heart's content (see #3 re: fat pants) you can take advantage of all the things maple goes with. Syrup. Cinnamon. Apples. Pumpkins. Pies. Pumpkin pies. Squares, bars, roll, cookies, ice-cream. It's possible I'm just listing food now and this has nothing to do with Thanksgiving being earlier in Canada, but what would a Top Six list be without a 5. Ahh...see? Logic prevails, as always.
6. We have Football. The CFL (ugh, the "Canadian Football league", must I explain everything?) It's the Thanksgiving Day Classic, an annual double-header. Fine, you got me. Those were also just random words Google spit at me. I'm putting this here because I'm assuming Football works better without snow on the ground - hence, early October. It's possible they make astro-turf heat up and melt stuff, I don't know. Let's not overthink.
After our big dinner, all the women change into fat pants (see: #3) (in lieu of fat pants just undo top button) and gather in the family room to lie around on couches in front of the big-screen TV, while the men load the dishwasher, wash out the roasting pans and put away left-overs.
Wait, I'm sorry! Didn't mean to offend! Of course not all the men! Some of them actually don't mind football. They'll stand in the doorway with a tea-towel, drying. "What's happening in here? Is our team winning?" (like they know the names of the teams, pfft. Men...it's cute when they show an interest).
So we have my family Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. My sister is hosting. She asked me to bring the "cops" (?). I told her that I was planning to lay low on my criminal activity, so I probably didn't need to bring the cops. I also added that she might want to proof-read what her phone is auto-correcting. She did. Then she said I didn't need to bring the chips. I vehemently protested. Of course I'm bringing chips. They are making a maple-bacon flavoured chip now. Please.
I might tell you about the big dinner in a post next week, if it becomes the train-wreck it promises to be. Because she also asked me to bring Elmo. I was going to ask if she meant the "Tickle Me" one before I realized that auto-correct might have had a hand in that one too (still totally bringing Elmo).
So have a great weekend, everyone! Be thankful and eat a LOT! (even if you aren't Canadian, still be thankful and eat a LOT. It's just a good way to live.)
If you live happen along the east coast, please stay out of Matthew's way. Go visit your mid-western relatives (you can eat a lot and be thankful there too).
Stay safe, y'all.
(Regina is David Letterman's wife)
(I'm not really David Letterman)